TV families

I have a problem with all these families on TV. Their perfect lives, their perfect problems, their perfect solutions. My family is about as far from perfect as we are close to heaven. These families at warm and inviting even in the troubled times. Always getting along and if not, it takes very little to put it back together. A hug and a kiss and always happily ending.

My family isn’t anything like that. We argue, fuss and disagree on everything. We butt heads more often than not. We can’t get along for anything unless ice cream is involved. We yell, (yes I know I shouldn’t say that) we threaten, (take everything away) we send them to their room for the day (with no TV). It’s never ending. Night time is the worst. You would think after all these years that the nighttime routine would be the easiest but it isn’t. There is tattle telling, hitting, slapping, pinching, poking, touching, looking, yelling, arguing, sneaking, hiding, distracting, everything you could possibly think of to keep from getting into bed. Then you need a drink of water, potty and a prayer. All 2 hours after the “time for bed” alarm goes off. Yes I have an alarm for that, breakfast, lunch, dinner, wakeup, bus and anything else I need to remember.
None of that is ever on TV or movies. It’s always cuddles and loves, ooh’s and ahh’s. It’s I’m sorry and smiles. The family has a group hug and lights out. The only way to get lights out here is remove the light bulb.
Our kids don’t watch a lot of TV so they don’t care if you take that away. We don’t have any video games in our house. They don’t have cell phones, kindles, iPad’s, mp3 players, or anything electronic like that. The one thing they think they can’t live without is books and I will never take their books away.
We do family nights on Friday and Saturday. We pile all the blankets and pillows in the house in the living room floor and watch a movie from RedBox. Pop popcorn, candy, chips, just all the junk food they aren’t allowed to have along with fruits and stuff. So it’s not like we aren’t a functioning loving family cause we are.

But we are not a TV family

Our problems are real. We aren’t civil sometimes. We say things that hurt. We fight back when we should turn the other cheek. We don’t have a happy ending at the end of the night. And it makes me feel that I am a failure as a parent because I can’t ever get that in my house. I fail because a happy home doesn’t happen the way mine does. I know that because TV says so… I know that’s a stupid statement but it gets my point across
What I need is to see real problems that don’t have easy solutions. Problems that occur more than once. Problems that you make the wrong decisions on. I need to see that I’m not a failure. I’m not hopeless. I’m not the worst parent ever. That others go through this and it’s ok. That it’s ok to not like your children even though you love them with all your heart.

I need to know I’m not alone…

So, dear TV families, I do not like you for making society think our families aren’t good enough, strong enough or loving enough…

Because we are

I Miss Blogging

I started this blog a year ago! My how time has flown and so many changes. Good, Bad, OK, Not so OK. I have survived my 4th pregnancy. Had to receive the news of my Mom’s lung cancer 10 days before my due date. Made the very hard decision of inducing labor early to be able to go to my Mom in her time of need. I had a tumor removed and suffered from 3 counts of MRSA infections in the 6 months that my son has been born. I thought I was going to have to give up the bonding of breastfeeding during this time. (I didn’t have to) and still take care of my family of 6 in all of this. I have started losing all my baby weight from the last 7 years of childbearing. 25lbs so far with 25 more to go. Hub’s job has moved across the county to another store. He is almost an hour away now. He doesn’t have the stress from the older store but now he has the stress of travel and never being home anymore. We have paid off our house and now trying to finish all our little projects that just kept getting put on hold.

With all this going on, I really miss blogging here and I am making a commitment to you and to myself that I will begin to blog more. Even if it’s just a few words to check in. I am going to get back to normal if that is even possible. I do most of my blogging from my phone and the computer version of WordPress confuses me. Hopefully, after Christmas, I can score a cheap laptop so I can work late night while everybody is in bed. I have a lot of expectations for me and my family. Putting my commitment there and then coming here to share.

I look forward to a whole new year from here….

 

~Cyn~

Taking The Moment

I look at my children and wonder where time went. My oldest will be 8 soon and my youngest is trying hard to crawl. I can’t remember all of the pieces of their lives because of pain but I’m fully aware now. I get caught up in stupid things like TV and social media. I worry about non-important stuff when my kids are right in front of me growing up. I remind myself that they are only mine for a moment. In this very moment, my child is learning something either with me or without me. I see these kids as self thriving little people but they aren’t. They still depend on me. I have to stop and see them for the small children they are. This moment is all we have. In the next second, it’s history and I can’t get that back. This moment could be a good memory or a bad memory. You can decide which 99% of the time if you just take a moment to realize the impact. My children want more moments, they need more moment with just me. I’m going to be that mommy. I’m going to live for that moment with my children. I’m going to seize the small, tiny moment and make it special. Not only for them but for me too. I love my children more than life and would do anything to make them happy, sustainable people in this world. I may be giving up something I enjoy and my way of disconnecting but I think once I see the moments in clear details, I will no longer want to disconnect. I will engage in these tiny moments because they are gone so fast and one they are gone, that’s it. No do-overs. Take a second and look in your yard. You see a rock? My kids see a beautiful stone that has mystical powers and can build tall castles and defend them from evil sorcerers. All I see is a rock. I want to see the magic like they do. It’s all in the moment. Do I want to take that moment to see the mystical stone or just keep blowing off the rock?
I’m taking the moment…

Wordless Wednesday

Trei is learning to crawl

26 weeks

Wordless Wednesday

Trei is learning to crawl

26 weeks

Three years ago today

Three years ago today was a regular day for me and my family. I was incredibly pregnant and incredibly miserable. As in previous post, I had needed back surgery and couldn’t cause of the pregnancy (no regrets). I wasn’t due til Thanksgiving day which was two more weeks. My mom had been living with us because I was having a hard time walking, standing, sitting, laying, really anything. Gary had worked that morning which was 5am-4pm. Grace and Emily was running around being themselves. My Daddy had come down a couple of days earlier cause mama was getting sick. That evening was normal, baths for everybody, dinner, story time, prayers and bed. We were all so tired. By 9 we were all in bed.
I went to sleep immediately only to be woken an hour and a half later. I was having a hard time breathing and I was crampy. I got up, got some water and went back to bed. As soon as I laid down, I was sitting up on my side pulling on Gary’s hip. I knew then I was in labor. Gary still asleep, I’m using him to bury my face into to pant. I finally woke him and he said I wasn’t in labor, just sit on my ball and wait it out. At midnight I told him we were going to the hospital. Contractions were hard, strong and regular.
At the hospital, I was already 8cm and was rushed into a room. At 2 am my beautiful baby girl was born. 8 lbs 12 oz and 20 ins long. Perfect in every way. Our lives haven’t been the same since. And I hope it never will be.

I love you Gabriella Ruth! Happy 3rd birthday!!!

 

Bragging Rights

I’ve had a lot of ups and downs lately. Seems like more downs than ups but this is about an up.
Grace, the oldest, is in a public charter school this year. We moved her there because of all the opportunities that were available to her. I know every parent says their child is special and has extra talent but Grace really does. In kindergarten, she was getting into some trouble, little more engaged than the others. Sounds funny but she couldn’t help getting up and helping her classmates. To the point her teacher had to give her extra work.
Same thing happened in first grade. When we asked what she did in school that day, she always said she went to the library. I started to be concerned and worry when several days went by like that. Then her teacher called me for a conference. Grace had more than excelled in her class. She was bored. Teacher had made Grace class leader and she would help teach but still bored. So teacher asked her what she wanted to do and she always said she wanted to read. That’s how she was getting out of class to the library. After a second conference because Grace was blazing through test, the teacher and I decided that Grace needed to be challenged more. I let the teacher decide what needed to be done at school and asked if she could send 2 extra homeworks home. About mid-year our plan had started working. The teacher sent Grace to work with the special needs children. Grace was paired with an autistic boy and they quickly bonded. At home, with the 2 extra homework assignments, Grace sat up her own classroom. She began to teach her younger sisters. We did all this til the end of year.
Around March, we discovered the charter school, toured it and interviewed several members of its staff. The charter school was in its first year, everybody was new, curriculum was all new, the experience was all new. They were K-4 and adding a new grade every year to grade 8. They offer Spanish and Mandarin together to all students as well as some business education courses. Just the stuff to challenge Grace. We decided to enroll her.
So far this year, she is bored BUT the school has spent all this time in testing and will continue til December. They are a year round school so they can spend more time with the kids. Classroom has 13-15 students plus a teachers aide. Grace has proved to be far more ahead of her classmates again. The difference is, after the new year, when all the testing is done and all scores are final, she will be placed in another class. Her and about 3 other children in the school are very advance. The school has a certified gifted and talented teacher that they are considering. They may advance her into a different grade level (she tested last year with a reading level of 8th grade with comprehension level of 4th grade). Last option is using a teacher that will have a class of advance with behind children. Using the advanced to help teach the children with difficulties. Many choices to chose from just need to see the scores when done with the test.
Last night was open house and we met all her teachers. They couldn’t say enough good stuff about her. We were so proud. The part I was most proud about was right before we left. We had asked to meet the principal. We all went to his office, closed the door and I sat perfectly still as my 7 year old child began to tell the principal about a 9 year old child and her 6 year old brother, hitting her and threatening her and a bus mate. She was scared but she sat straight and repeated everything she had told me. The principal was very detailed in the notes he was taking. He assured her that she would not be bullied and she would be safe. She never said a word other than what was being asked and she didn’t make any noise. She would occasional have a tear roll down her cheek which was like a dagger into my heart.
I am so proud of my good student but so much more proud of her having the guts to stand up for her and her friend on the bus where they are being mentally, emotionally and physically abused.
One day, I hope she knows just how much I love her and will support her in everything she ever tries.

<3 LOVE <3

I have been thinking a lot lately about a post I had read several months ago and I couldn’t remember where I had seen it. I kept thinking bout this one thing that was said about LOVE. I found the post here Canadian Mommy Time, She nominated me with a bloggy award and could never get onto the computer to nominate others or re-post her award (Thank you btw). In her post she named several things that people didn’t know about her. Number 6 is the post that I remember. 6)  I save the word ‘love’ for special occasions so that it is special.  I enjoy food, I don’t love it.  ’Love’ changed meanings for me when I met my husband.  I knew I wanted to express my love for him differently then the way I appreciated food or my favourite dress. These few words has touched me and changed the way I look at things in a huge way. I think “LOVE” was one of my most used words. I loved this, that, you, it, everything… In reality I didn’t and I don’t. I just used the word to express my extreme liking to. Which is a lot. I LOVE MY HUSBAND AND MY CHILDREN. I LOVE OUR HOME not our house. I LOVE OUR FAMILY.

 

Love is defined as:

love

[luhv]  Show IPA noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.

noun

1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

3. sexual passion or desire.

4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person;sweetheart.

5. (used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection,or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?

Ok, did you see anywhere in there where it mentioned objects? Love is focused on people not objects. Makes you think, doesn’t it? I never thought about how much I slung the word around. I abused the meaning and made it numb.

1 Corinthians 13 4-13

New International Version (NIV)

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes,what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

 

I will no longer love worldly things. I love what matters most. My family…

Quick update

As always, there is something going on in my life. Just want to update you and let you know I didn’t just forget y’all. I had a lump removed from my hip. It came up while I was in the hospital having Trei. With the news of my mom’s cancer still stinging my heart, I had it removed and biopsied. It wasn’t cancerous, thank God! Just a fatty/scar like mass that was infected. I am all good there, but then an ant bit me on Saturday, on Sunday I was in urgent care having a hole cut into me to drain infection. I went back yesterday to have packing removed and the doctor confirmed that I had MRSA. Yay me  So I have a hole, full of packing, extremely painful and right where my son lays to nurse. Speaking of my son, he found something interesting to play with yesterday… he is only 12 weeks old but he figured out how to hold his penis while I am changing his diaper, only part he hasn’t figured out is to let it go when I set his legs down. His scream was blood curdling. He now has this red mark going down his penis where he had a tight grasp and I caused him to “rip it” outta his hand. Poor baby, I never thought about penis injury before zippers come into his life.

That’s it, I hope. I am ready to be done with being sick and tired.

~Cyn~

BTW, I redid my about page, let me know what y’all think

A lot in a week

I love my little family. Most of you know that already. Everyday is a new challenge, a new adventure. I have spent the first of the week preparing for the end of the week. My oldest started school on Wednesday at The Academy of Hope. We had school supplies we needed to get and she is required to wear a uniform. She has been very vocal lately about being more modest and wearing more dresses and skirts. I did try my best to find things she could use at school and be comfortable in.
The school is a public charter school in its second year. Last year it shared a new building with a church. This year, they have bought their own building. It is a very old school that has been a little of everything. The school has less than 200 students and faculty. The building they are in now is tiny. Maybe 20 classrooms. The school started with grades K-4 last year and added fifth this year. They will continue to add a grade each year up to eighth. It’s also a year around school. The calendar fits families here much better than just the summer off calendar.
Also this week, I had a little minor surgery on my hip. When Baby Boy was born, I had a lump to come up on my right hip. It showed up that night, just out of the blue. It had been 8 weeks and hadn’t shrunk nor did it get any bigger. My surgeon said the it seemed to be a fibrous mass and he couldn’t needle biopsy it, it would need to be removed. He wasn’t very concerned about the lump but with the recent history of cancer with my mom, he just wanted to be on the safe side. So yesterday, I had it removed. Very simple, less than 2 hours in and out of the hospital. I will get the results sometime next week.
One last thing, with the pain medicine, it makes me groggy and drunk. Last night when we were in bed, I was falling asleep with my hand on my husband’s chest. He was watching some action something on tv. I dozed off, then suddenly I jumped and screamed “NO!!!” at him. I instantly woke and was embaressed, hubs was in shock, afraid to move, then started laughing uncontrollably at me. I had dreamed the hubs was about to “Gibbs” slap Gibbs (NCIS). I was terrified and screamed at him before he could follow through. Apparently I thought it was very real and literally screamed at my husband in my sleep. I think he will crack up the next time he sees a “Gibbs” slap 😉