Me Time

Everybody has their own little quirks how they want their “me” time. I’m included. I have found a real problem in mine lately though. I have spent almost 9 years conditioning my husband that my “me” time isn’t real important. He works between 55-60 hours a week but in reality it’s more like 70+ hours a week. I don’t have personal friends here like I did back home. We have (by choice) been a one car family for a long time. I never committed to playdates with acquaintances because of transportation. Until I had our son, I did all the grocery shopping, errands, bill paying, anything that needed to be done outside the home. I don’t ever talk on the phone. If you can get me to talk on the phone, then you’ve accomplished something huge. To boil it down, I made my husband’s life outside of work as simple as possible. He never has kept the kids more than an hour unless some kind of emergency has came up. I don’t ask him to do anything to/around the house unless it’s something I just can’t do. In my own personal opinion, I don’t feel that he should have to do any of these things. He provides me and the kids a home, food, love, safety and I get to stay home to care for it all. Being a stay at home mom (sahm) is all I have ever wanted to do and he allows me to do that.
Now the part about “me” time. I have had the kids 24/7/365. Like I said before, I usually don’t ask my husband to watch the kids but since baby boy has been born, I’ve stressed a lot. I couldn’t leave my bedroom for a long time still have issues but I push through them. I can’t go grocery shopping, I panic, constantly needing to know where my kids are. To leave the house is a very minimum of an hour just to get clothes, hair and shoes. If I decide to wear makeup or actually match clothes up for everybody it’s close to 2 hours. Baby boy is clingy some days, which I can deal with unless I need to get something done. Baby girl is plain out in terrible twos heading into terrorizing threes. To say the least, I’m extremely overwhelmed and I need a break. I HATE ASKING THOUGH! If I do leave the kids with my husband, I stress so bad over them pushing his buttons and then they are in trouble, in their rooms and not allowed out. Then I feel guilty cause even as stretched as I am, I still have more patience with them than he does. I can’t say anything to my husband cause then I feel like he thinks he can’t do a good enough job and that’s not the case.
Example of what I’ve created: I have said for several days that I wanted to go to the store to pick up some stuff. The reply to the statements are, “I’ll just go cause you don’t need to be dragging around the kids everywhere” this is the assumption that I would be taking the kids but had planned not to, or “you’re taking the kid with you, right?” Again no I wasn’t and I had said already I wanted to go alone. Then yesterday I wanted to go get my hair cut, colored and styled. I asked how much could I spend and with a very crossed face he stated this really small amount and that him and the kids would wait in the car. The amount is usually what I pay for a simple trim with no tip.
I think at this point I’ve hit my bottom. We are spending ungodly amounts of money on him eating out at work cause I can’t grocery shop, I feel so guilty asking to go alone. I can’t even take a bath or shower alone cause one of the kids has to get in. I can wait til it’s very late at night but then run a risk of waking baby since he sleeps in our room.
I’ve turned into a total bitch about it too and I truly don’t mean too. I rather not say anything because I don’t want to have to ask for a break. I try so hard to control my temper when it comes to being an unfair punishment for the kids but lately I’ve been blowing up. I don’t fight, can’t stand confrontation but lately that is all I do.
I just need some “me” time. Find myself again. Grocery shopping would probably be a good start.
I know this has been a long post and it’s more of a vent post for me and I apologize. My husband is a great man and I love him more than anything. I just have conditioned him to look past “me”.
~ Before I was a wife, before I was a mother, I was just a girl looking for love, nothing about that ever changed, nothing about that ever will~


3 thoughts on “Me Time

  1. Wow, do you ever really need a break. It is a very tough spot, because it appears that both of you are working a *lot* of overtime. I can’t offer a whole lot of advice, since we are just now breaking out of the “totally dependent children” mode, except that both of you really need to hang in there. *BUT* the key words you mention here are true… taking care of kids is a 24/7 job, but working a job is and XX amount of hours job. Spending time with kids has an added benefit of being able to raise, nurture, teach, love, play with, discipline, shape, laugh with and love your very own kids.

    I know it’s hard to deal with the way children act, but the better the parents treat them *now*, the better they’ll act later on. At the very least, it will get easier, unless of course, you plan on having like *eight* kids. How people do THAT is beyond me!

  2. Ahh this post made me sad. You need to ask for help! He is your husband. You don’t have to suffer alone. Let him know what’s going on! Either he will just keep doing the same old thing or he will help you whatever way he can once he truly knows how far you’re gone!!! Because honestly, you don’t sound happy…

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