Where do I go from here?


My last couple of posts have told you about most of the events that are ongoing in my life. The struggles, the worry and the stress. I am going to write this last “pity” post and try to move forward with good from here.
I went to my OB/GYN yesterday and we discussed all my options that the midwife will be able to provide, the problem with my epidural site being sealed (never had an epidural before but just want to make her aware of the fusion that now prevents ever having one there). We talked about my laboring options and how I could labor. We just got all our ducks in a row knowing time is close. I did ask for a procedure to be done that helps bring in labor and she agreed to do it yesterday. Hopefully we will be having baby soon with that being done.
Yesterday was also the day my mom got the results from her lung biopsy. When I spoke to her on the phone she sounded so happy and upbeat. I instantly was thrilled. I remember saying something like “you sound so happy that you must have got a good report from your doctor!” She said she had a good visit and I asked her if it was just scar tissue in her lungs and she said yes.
I knew something was wrong this afternoon when my husband sent our two youngest kids to their room. Oldest was still at school. He turned the tv off and pulled our coffee table right up to where I was sitting. He sat down face to face and took my hands in his. He began by telling me that my daddy had called him… I knew what he was going to tell me. My mom was trying to protect me and my pregnancy when she didn’t fully admit what the doctor had said. My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer yesterday and she isn’t operable.
They felt that I needed to hear it from my husband because he could tell me in person and also he lost his dad to lung cancer in 2000. All I could think was how happy she sounded. How could she have sounded so happy and just find out she has cancer?
I have scheduled an induction for next Wednesday if I haven’t had the baby by then. My mom has an appointment with the oncologist this Friday. She can make her plans around the treatment options and knowing the baby will be here no later than Wednesday.
My mind is in a darker fog than before. I haven’t talked to my mom yet. I need to control my emotions just a little better than I have today. My heart is broken and I know it’s a long road from here. I will call tomorrow and begin this new journey together. 

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2 thoughts on “Where do I go from here?

  1. ♥ HUGE hugs sweetie! I can only sympathize in a small degree. My Daddy passed away from a combination of cancers weeks before I found out I was pregnant with my daughter/his first granddaughter after 7 grandsons. It sucks, a lot. If you need anything you’re more than welcome to hunt me down on Twitter. ♥

  2. I am so sorry for the tragic turn of events. Stay as strong as you can and make the most of this time and hopefully that time will be much longer than you’re thinking.

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